If it was appropriate to write a blog that spanned fifty two separate paragraphs, this would be the post that does just that. The only obvious reason: Cosmopolitan released their 2012 Bachelor of the Year nominees. I love this issue because I can find something ridiculous/mockable/definitelynotgenuine with at least one comment made by typically every nominee (Are you still pretending I have a life or have you lost all faith?). Oh, you like to draw buildings in your sketchbook in your free time? Perfect! I want a white house with blue shudders and a wrap around porch so I can paint and watch the sunset and sunrise! Please be a little more original with your free-time response, Alabama. I don't have a problem with architects, only one's who claim they're seductive yet would only try s&m if "she wanted to". Whatever, dude. You're a college sophomore who looks like he's 35.
Then we have Mr. New Hampshire. What a confused young man. He's admitting to have read "Fifty Shades of Grey" and also wants to take women on his motorcycle. How beautiful. Signs he's smitten: "I'll want to spend a lot of time with her, even doing boring things like shopping."
Well, here's a tip. Do not refer to things she likes to do as boring. She may not respond well to that classification.
South Dakota: "I'm a sweet, sarcastic cowboy who loves riding and roping horses." Finally someone admits to wanting s&m.
And Utah is wondering "Why do great girls fall for supbar guys?" Where, exactly, do you hang out sir? I have been to quite a few places in America and it's not like us women are flocked with abovepar gentleman. And don't call yourself intriguing, you might as well say "I find myself immensely interesting".
Of course, we need the Ivy League representative. Thank you, Connecticut, for supplying us with the professional violinist possessing sensitive palms and washboard abs. As if these traits alone don't make you want to transfer immediately to Yale, hold up. My long-term long-distance dear friend, Grace, whom I will always find myself wanting to be good friends with if we are ever in the same state, goes to Yale and admitted the facts to me. "He is completely skewing the Cosmo-reading world's view of what the average Yale guy looks like. He's really fucking up the curve." Now there's honesty.
I wish every one of these bachelor's contained a little anecdote with a comment from a "Grace" in their state. I know there are naive women out there who believe that Mr. New Hampshire is perfect because he will narrarate soft erotica while making your hair blow in the wind. And maybe that is perfect for someone (he'll probably still leave the toilet seat up anyways). I really don't know anything about the perfect boy or bachelor. I wouldn't want him. That would cause too much competition with myself.
xxxx
A
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