Perfect Boys

If it was appropriate to write a blog that spanned fifty two separate paragraphs, this would be the post that does just that.  The only obvious reason:  Cosmopolitan released their 2012 Bachelor of the Year nominees.  I love this issue because I can find something ridiculous/mockable/definitelynotgenuine with at least one comment made by typically every nominee (Are you still pretending I have a life or have you lost all faith?).  Oh, you like to draw buildings in your sketchbook in your free time?  Perfect!  I want a white house with blue shudders and a wrap around porch so I can paint and watch the sunset and sunrise! Please be a little more original with your free-time response, Alabama.  I don't have a problem with architects, only one's who claim they're seductive yet would only try s&m if "she wanted to".  Whatever, dude.  You're a college sophomore who looks like he's 35.

Then we have Mr. New Hampshire.  What a confused young man.  He's admitting to have read "Fifty Shades of Grey" and also wants to take women on his motorcycle.  How beautiful.  Signs he's smitten:  "I'll want to spend a lot of time with her, even doing boring things like shopping." 
Well, here's a tip.  Do not refer to things she likes to do as boring.  She may not respond well to that classification.

South Dakota:  "I'm a sweet, sarcastic cowboy who loves riding and roping horses."  Finally someone admits to wanting s&m.

And Utah is wondering "Why do great girls fall for supbar guys?"  Where, exactly, do you hang out sir? I have been to quite a few places in America and it's not like us women are flocked with abovepar gentleman.  And don't call yourself intriguing, you might as well say "I find myself immensely interesting".

Of course, we need the Ivy League representative.  Thank you, Connecticut, for supplying us with the professional violinist possessing sensitive palms and washboard abs.  As if these traits alone don't make you want to transfer immediately to Yale, hold up.  My long-term long-distance dear friend, Grace, whom I will always find myself wanting to be good friends with if we are ever in the same state, goes to Yale and admitted the facts to me.  "He is completely skewing the Cosmo-reading world's view of what the average Yale guy looks like.  He's really fucking up the curve."  Now there's honesty.

I wish every one of these bachelor's contained a little anecdote with a comment from a "Grace" in their state.  I know there are naive women out there who believe that Mr. New Hampshire is perfect because he will narrarate soft erotica while making your hair blow in the wind.  And maybe that is perfect for someone (he'll probably still leave the toilet seat up anyways).  I really don't know anything about the perfect boy or bachelor.  I wouldn't want him.  That would cause too much competition with myself.  
xxxx
A      

SPOTTED: Human Perfection

#wisdomteethprobz

Just kidding, you know I love you Mack.  I learned just like everyone else in my third grade self esteem clinic that no one and nothing is perfect.  And I also knew right away they're obviously lying because s'mores are, in fact, a real thing.  People wise, perfection is a lot less rare.  Many people possess a couple (or many if you just plain suck) poor qualities that deem them less than perfect.  I'll update this post with personal examples if I ever recognize any of my own.
I've gotten into some strange talk/reality shows over 21 years of life.  They wouldn't be considered strange if the age demographic of the show was anywhere near my own.  I literally was watching Elimidate at like 9 and was faking sick to stay home to watch Maury at 12.  Something about those rants of "YOU SLEPT WITH MY MOTHER WHILE I WAS PREGNANT WITH YOUR BROTHER'S TRIPLETS" captivated me to that screen.
I'm now into Live! With Kelly (and now Michael).  And I'm confused as to what their demographic would even be.  Chic, 35 year old women, prego with their second kid, perhaps? 21 year olds looking to fill a hopeless void from 9-10am before class?  Either way, Kelly Ripa is human perfection at it's finest.  Maybe, that might be opinion based, but either way she's insanely great.  Might be my biggest adult girl crush since Lorelai Gilmore.  Um, platonic.  Not only did Ripa win the genetic lottery mega bucks, which yes, a decent portion of any population has some winners, but she knows how to talk.  FREAKING RARE.  I would watch episodes and diligently look for something wrong with her. I failed.  She is just extremely likeable and friendly.  She's hilarious, clearly very smart, and only awkward when faking awkward to be funny. As any girl's response would be, what a bitch.  I'm only joking; I want to be her friend and sip cappuccino and make s'mores together.  And then I'll decide what she's like the proper way.

Wait, what? 

She took Mark Consuelos off the market.
Bitch.

I'm not naive, I'm sure she's not perfect.  If anything she probably has really bad breath in the morning.
xxxx