"No homo." Dude, she's a girl.

One day I will probably be on "What Would You Do".  When this day comes, I will be angry if I don't realize it during the situation.  If you're unfamiliar with the show, it's where they set up these ridiculous situations where something moral is on the line and they see if 'average people' in a day to day environment would comment or intervene.  Really I would enjoy being the actress on this show who has to do something ridiculous, but just being on the show in general would suffice.  I'd like to think I will be the person who intervenes and stops the boyfriend from slapping his girlfriend in the crowded public park, or telling the husband that buying a diamond ring for both his wife and his lover at the same time is a bit extreme.

However, after today's incident who knows what we'll do in a time of crisis.  Ok, the term crisis is over the top, but in a time of question perhaps.  I was at Target and I had already cashed out and my bill was like, 7 dollars or something.  It didn't hit me until I was in the restroom on my way out (who uses the bathroom at a store like Target besides myself and pregnant women?  I swear whenever I'm in there  that's the only other company) that my bill seemed a little low.  UGH, of course I check my receipt and I wasn't charged for my 6 dollar face wash.  The agony of deciding whether or not to stop at customer service and wait in line, only to have more money taken out of my account.  Plus, it's not like the lady didn't scan the face wash because it showed up on my receipt...there was just no charge next to it.  Maybe she accidentally hit a button that voided the price.  Then I was thinking if I do go back to customer service to get myself further charged I could potentially be getting the woman who rang me out in trouble.  Why would I want to do a thing like that?  If I didn't charge someone for an item I would hope they would just take it and run.  The last thing I'd want to do is have them go to my manager, right?

So I'm not going to say what I did, but if you know me well enough you could probably take a good guess.

I went to dinner with my lovely friend Megan tonight.  She's one of my dearest friends here at college and is from Erie so it's a double bonus.  We don't get together nearly enough and when we do it's always me who inititates.  One of those friendships.  No... she's a great friend and more sarcastic than me so it's a great time.  Most people tell stories about their life to make it seem more exciting or more interesting than it actually is, but Meg tells her stories to reiterate how pathetic her life seemingly is.  It's not at all, which makes it more funny.  She's a gem.
She had a story about this dude she was conversing with who was, I guess, tryin' to shoot a compliment her way.  This boy was trying to tell her that she had these beautiful blue eyes, which she does, they're like a majestic fresh water lake...but then after his comment he adds, "...no homo."
Uh, really?  Like you could have stopped after the compliment.  Megan's a girl, and you're a boy.  So what exactly are you trying to say?
*Sigh* boys.
xxxx
A

Perfect Boys

If it was appropriate to write a blog that spanned fifty two separate paragraphs, this would be the post that does just that.  The only obvious reason:  Cosmopolitan released their 2012 Bachelor of the Year nominees.  I love this issue because I can find something ridiculous/mockable/definitelynotgenuine with at least one comment made by typically every nominee (Are you still pretending I have a life or have you lost all faith?).  Oh, you like to draw buildings in your sketchbook in your free time?  Perfect!  I want a white house with blue shudders and a wrap around porch so I can paint and watch the sunset and sunrise! Please be a little more original with your free-time response, Alabama.  I don't have a problem with architects, only one's who claim they're seductive yet would only try s&m if "she wanted to".  Whatever, dude.  You're a college sophomore who looks like he's 35.

Then we have Mr. New Hampshire.  What a confused young man.  He's admitting to have read "Fifty Shades of Grey" and also wants to take women on his motorcycle.  How beautiful.  Signs he's smitten:  "I'll want to spend a lot of time with her, even doing boring things like shopping." 
Well, here's a tip.  Do not refer to things she likes to do as boring.  She may not respond well to that classification.

South Dakota:  "I'm a sweet, sarcastic cowboy who loves riding and roping horses."  Finally someone admits to wanting s&m.

And Utah is wondering "Why do great girls fall for supbar guys?"  Where, exactly, do you hang out sir? I have been to quite a few places in America and it's not like us women are flocked with abovepar gentleman.  And don't call yourself intriguing, you might as well say "I find myself immensely interesting".

Of course, we need the Ivy League representative.  Thank you, Connecticut, for supplying us with the professional violinist possessing sensitive palms and washboard abs.  As if these traits alone don't make you want to transfer immediately to Yale, hold up.  My long-term long-distance dear friend, Grace, whom I will always find myself wanting to be good friends with if we are ever in the same state, goes to Yale and admitted the facts to me.  "He is completely skewing the Cosmo-reading world's view of what the average Yale guy looks like.  He's really fucking up the curve."  Now there's honesty.

I wish every one of these bachelor's contained a little anecdote with a comment from a "Grace" in their state.  I know there are naive women out there who believe that Mr. New Hampshire is perfect because he will narrarate soft erotica while making your hair blow in the wind.  And maybe that is perfect for someone (he'll probably still leave the toilet seat up anyways).  I really don't know anything about the perfect boy or bachelor.  I wouldn't want him.  That would cause too much competition with myself.  
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A      

Boys, Work That Rain

Man I've had this laptop for multiple weeks now and I just realized today it doesn't have a drive for cd/dvd's.  In a way I'm grateful I found out through the process of trying to burn a CD and not after renting a DVD that I've been dying to see and could only use my laptop to watch.  That rarely happens but I still feel fortunate.  So yeah, if you're interested in buying a MacBook Air you should know it doesn't have an option for this.  After searching the perimeters of the laptop for a good 40 seconds I proceeded to Google the questions as if I missed an obvious hidden spot.  This wouldn't be beneath me especially if you know how easily I forget and lose things.  Note: there isn't a hidden spot.  I feel as if I should have known this about the Air before I proceeded to purchase it.  I clearly didn't do much research.  I don't think it would have influenced my decision completely but it would have made me consider my choice for a few more days.  I love the portability of the Air but I tend to burn CDs a lot as gifts for people.  It's very cheap to do and people think it's very thoughtful.  Um, actually, no one has ever told me it's thoughtful I'm just assuming they think that.  I hope admitting that I burn CDs doesn't get me arrested.  I suppose I didn't admit what I burn onto those CDs though so I should be good, right?  Let's clear up the situation right now.  When I burn CDs for people I only burn recordings of my voice and preachings on how to live a better life and how fortunate they are to have a friend like me who cares enough about them to give them life directions.

How badly does that make you want to be friends with me now, knowing you could potentially get that as a gift?  I know, crazy.

What a gray ass day though.  It's been raining all day long.  I wish it would just pour.  When I left the apartment for my first class today it was that lame "maid of the mist" type rain that doesn't feel like anything at all and you don't realize you're soaking wet until you sit in your car and your legs feel soggy and your face is all moist.  Then you sit through lecture all wet and squirmy.  I just want it to rain that hard and intense, big drops rain every time it rains.  The kind that you still get wet from like the misty rain, but you actually get to feel the rain.  The romantic rain that when it's pouring you only wish you had someone to kiss.  This is how girls think.  How often does that situation arise for people?  Boys, take advantage of a rainstorm.  The chances of you getting laid from initiating a real kiss in the rain are much higher than getting struck by lightning.

Seriously though...even if you're a virgin you're chances are still probably higher. 

xxxx

A