Fifty Shades of NO WAY.

I hated this book.  If you can't tell what I did with my blog post title, I attempted to rhyme NO WAY with Grey.  Because Grey is the rest of the title of the book..."Fifty Shades of Grey".  I'm hoping, in a sense you've heard of the trilogy.  You must have heard of it if you surround yourself in any way with pop culture, or if you talk to or work with women who like to read books that stir a lot of publicity.  I won't even judge you if you're a dude and read the book.  Haha, yes I will.
I read the book last spring and thought it was awful.  I didn't even want to read the two following books.  I've described it before as soft literary porn or erotica, but the only thing that's soft in the story is the main girl character.  The fact that Christian was able to be hard for so long and many repetitive times in the story is also hard to believe.  Unless he was taking pills.  She never mentioned that though.  I can't even remember her (main character) name because she wasn't very impressionable to me.  From what I recall, she was just really whiny and liked to be bossed around the Red Room of Pain.
And I'm not trying to be like "Oh I don't like this book because every girl likes it".  I have done that before, I'll admit.  I'm pretty sure I did it with Taylor Swift when she firs started becoming famous.  Who is this blonde bitch from PA who keeps tellin' people she's from Nashville? Oh, her shit is catchy and I totally feel her emotions.  She dances even though she's incredibly lanky.  And she doesn't get caught for doing blow without wearing underwear.  And, fair enough, I would say I'm from Nashville too.

There are plenty of things I like that everyone else likes (flannel, Morgan Freeman, Lord of the Rings, Thanksgiving).  Fifty Shades of Grey is not one of them.  It just seemed so...meh.  Every time the plot started to build up it totally deflated in the form of an orgasm.  Literally. I was reading an article in my father's TIME magazine a few months ago and it highlighted the fact that the popularity of these books surged among the older population.  The only explanation I have for its popularity amongst older women, which by the way is a large majority of the series' readers, is they're too old to know how to access porn on the Internet.

Do celebrities have to sign a contract when they reach a level of famousness that limits them to only naming their children names that are ridiculously unnecessary?  Reese Witherspoon named her kid Tennessee.  That's what we should call the recipe for resentment beginning at birth.

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